Exploration of our Spiritual Journey

This post will be in response to one of my best friend's (Jennifer) blog post. She discussed her family's efforts in developing their son's spiritual journey. It doesn't surprise me to hear that both Stephen and Jennifer take it very seriously and carefully conjure up appropriate approaches in assisting Cavett with this exploration. That's only one reasons of many that makes them wonderful parents. So, in the end of her post, Jennifer posed the question to the rest of us readers and wondered what we are doing to with our children in terms of spiritual development.

The timing of the question is perfect for me as it encourages me to go public with our current religious journey. Aside from our daily conversations of intergrating God into our daily purpose, the daily verbal reverance for God's blessings, and the (almost) nightly children's bible readings, Sammy and I have taken two very big steps recently to address that very thing. On Saturday, I have finally confessed to my father-in-law that we have secretly been visiting a Methodist Church. Coming from two very devout Catholic families, it was an extremely scary idea to present such a religious disconnect to my Italian father-in-law. In both of our cherished heritages in our household, our Catholic religion is a BIG part of our culture.

But, I was gently provoked. Isabela asked me last week if we could visit St. Luke's Methodist Church. We have probably been there a total of 5 times and have allowed Isabela to sit with us for the first 20 minutes until just right after the Children's Sermon at the alter with the pastor. We have hoped that she will learn how she should ultimately worship and praise our lord from a pew in a church. In our Catholic church, she remains seated with us for the entire one hour mass. Well, Isabela has obviously been touched in a spiritual way if she has made her own request in how to spend a Sunday morning. So, that was my cue to move along on our recent journey and make more of a firm commitment to a church. So what have I done? Not only did we choose the Methodist Church this week for worship, I also left Isabela in a Sunday School Class. My faith in God was exercised as I left her there without knowing the teachers, without leaving specific intructions on her care, without leaving our names and contact info. We just dropped her off!!! Well, we did ask that they please connect her with Cavett at some point...did Isabela need that? No, I did. But, I trusted in God's love for her.

So, step one is done: Pops knows and he so whole-heartedly approved. Step two: exploring a bible class for Isabela. Now, on to the biggest, step three: Talk to the pastor of the Methodist Church for spiritual guidance. Right now, I know my priority is Isabela. Sammy and I know that we need to find a place and congregation that will assist us with Isabela's faith. The excruciating thing for me is to abandon or slightly relinquish little things I love about practicing Catholicism. It's been a way of life for me, for Sammy and Crystal, too. At this point, my concern is to provide a solid, non-complex Christian foundation for Isabela.

Finally, I must mention that we owe this exposure to our friends The Hills and The Alexanders. Not only did they extend the first invitation to their church for Kendrick's Baptism, they have educated us on the ways of their church...I have had many, many questions. Without their support, we wouldn't have this beautiful experience.

So, for now, until I decide our direction with guidance and prayer, I think we will just be Catholics who attend a Methodist Church....or even better, Christians who attend a Methodist Church.

(pic is of Isabela's Baptism at Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church in March 2005)

God's Approval

This past Sunday, as Catholics, we anxiously drove to a Methodist Church we have visited on some occasions along with our friends, The Alexanders and The Hills, who are registered members. We were all eager to go and see what the morning's sermon would be about. Sammy, Crystal and I love to be able to walk away with something meaningful and worth applying to our lives. After the service, along with The Alexanders and The Hills, we drove over to Berry Hill's for a scrumptious lunch. Stephen started the conversation on whether we agreed that the sermon was about "the core". I followed it by asking how many of us can identify people in our lives who have integrity, as Dr. Pace so nicely defined it. Upon arriving home, I read Jennifer's blog about another key note in the sermon describing why not to seek anyone's approval but God's. Obviously, we all had various takes on the topic.

In that service and even after we drove away from our delightful lunch, I couldn't stop in thinking about how at one time in my life, I was seeking everyone's approval, especially my friends'. Dr. Pace was so right on when he said that you will fail if you do so. He was so right because I truly believe that I have been a much happier person since I stopped doing that a few years ago and started looking up to God hoping he was the one pleased with me. It's actually quite easy this way, too.

Yesterday, as I was being video taped for a DVD we (Reading Specialists) are sending home to our students' parents on what reading looks like in the classrooms and what it should look like at home, I tuned in to that message of approval so magnificently. Prior to that moment, the days and weeks in preparing the script in a collaborative effort with my team, I was so very nervous about speaking into a camera, in Spanish, for an hour and a half. It's so lovely how God knew to put me in that church at that very moment, the morning before, to hear that message. I hardly asked for any cuts. All I could think about was God's work- assisting in the education of our children, the students. Whew, worked like a charm! Glad that's over, though!

However, I also had another motivator to get through my taping and head home. Isabela spiked a fever that morning. Because of her heart condition, a fever for her is just not a fever. Her pain pains me. Plus, with those moments when something isn't right with her body, I toggle back and forth to two very distinct facets of myself as a mother. I switch oh so carefully and as deemed necessary to being a mom of a chronically ill child rather than just a "normal" mom in which I vent about PTO moms. This is the part that makes it so hard to be me. Fortunately, on most days lately, I get to mingle with and lead a "normal" life and talk about regular kid stuff like potty training, discipline, playdates. No one sees me or Isabela as indifferent during those times. Then there are those moments in which we have special needs or requests from life, like walking into a pediatricians office without an appointment just because Isabela's needs are that special or pleading with a pharmacist that I really do need my medications ASAP. In each of those moments, the "normal" and "abnormal" , there's always the other half who is trying to NOT disconnect with the other reality of our life. When Isabela needs me to be the mom of a special-needs child, I can't lose sight of providing her with a life with not so many special needs. Otherwise, Isabela will conform to that and not know how to mainstream herself as she so needs to be in this life.

Isabela has an aggressive form of tonsillitis, her white blood count was really high (she has no spleen to protect her). When she gets diagnosed with a new ailment, or one she has not encountered before that time, I always ask "What is the severity of it?". What I really mean is "will she die?" Then there's that part of me who wants so badly at that moment to just be a "normal" mom.

Her doctor said it was probably because she was in the nursery at the Methodist Church. Isabela's body doesn't quite know how to handle being around several kids at a time. At that moment, one half of me said, "that's it, no more nursery or school!" and the other said "are you kidding, she can't survive without it." Can you guess which side of me usually wins? I need to remember what I told Isabela's grandfather the day we left the hospital after her 6 month stay there.."Don't you even think about treating her any differently than your other grandchildren. I want Isabela to feel like she is as normal and just as special as everyone else." He has so failed at doing so, and sometimes I wonder if I have gone too far.

On our drive home today from the doc's office, Crystal shared with me how much she enjoys going to the Methodist church vs. our Catholic church. She described so beautifully what she left with. I am sure we will return and Isabela will be dropped off at the nursery. Somehow.... I know God approves of my decision.

(What does "normal" mean to me: healthy state of a child...as it should be with every single child in this universe)