She was right...

I think it was my second visit with my Perinatologist at 18 weeks pregnant when I asked her full of hope and anguish, "Is there another mother, patient of yours, who I can talk to, who can tell me what to expect in my life with a baby with heart disease?" Dr. Adams turned away from her ultrasound screen to shoot me an expression revealing just how surprised she was to be asked that. She replied, " I told you already. This life you are choosing is hard. Those other moms are too busy, too busy to give their time to anyone else. You just don't get it, do you?" YEs, she was quite the militant type, so matter-of fact, and so so good at what she does. I hated her and loved her all at the same time (she was/is the best in Houston for very high-risk pregnancies). She was right about two things. She told me that she would make sure Isabela would make it through birth, but the rest was up to me. The other part she was right about was the busy-ness. Lately, I have been consumed with preparing for my little venture with Isabela, outside of the home. This time around, I know how to prepare, what to expect. Having to think of everything that needs to be done before we're off to the hospital, what needs tending to while we are away, and just how we will celebrate life once it's given back to her. That very fact is what almost made me lose it today. At about 9:10 am today, at work, I almost lost it. I have yet to have a good cry about this whole ugly surgery thing. When the Catholic school asked me at 9:00 am if I could take Isabela in for an assessment and interview today at noon, it pushed me over. I guess I can not really afford stressful unexpected issues right now. By 9:45 am, I was out the door, before collapsing in front of any students.

If I could just find a good hour, an empty one, in which I could just let go.


btw, Although Isabela is a terrible test-taker, she did very well in the assessment/interview, "quite sharp" is what the counselor said. Isabela refused to answer about half the questions, and instead came up with her own literacy and mathematical concepts to show off randomly. After watching the two of us talk and interact with one another, the counselor told me that she can tell we spend a lot of time together and that she is so tender and respectful with people, all qualities she looks for too. She said that Isabela would be a great fit for the Catholic school. I appreciated that the counselor did not put all the weight into the "mark the box" assesment, but quite appropriately observed her in her whole sense.
I am praying for guidance on this one.