Sacrificing One Job for Another

I sort of hung out at home all day today with my jammies on. I actually just changed out of the ones I slept in into ones I could look more presentable in with a tile man and an electrician working around me. I am realizing just now that I have not driven my car since Friday afternoon. Keeping Isabela in isolation is the goal around here these days, but I hope we don't get a heavy dose of cabin fever that just may provoke me to escape, with Isabela in tow.

I took full advantage of my mother by taking her up on her offer to come over so that I could run errands. Instead of running around Houston with the disappointment of Spring weather gone wrong with our chilly wind climate today, I tackled some files and rearranged my cabinet that stores all of our household paperwork and arranged bill payments for the next month along with making necessary phone calls that are not child-friendly. I barely talked to my mother as I was lost in a mean storm of chores. Once I was done, looked at the calendar to finalize some summer planning, I realized it was April 6; 5 years ago we learned about our honorary plight to raise a special needs child. When Crystal and I talked this evening, we also remembered that on that same evening, we learned that she did not receive a highly desirable admission to a local high school. We talked about how hard we all cried that evening, Sammy, Crystal and I, on that 2 seater sofa. Till this day, I think that was the hardest, loudest cry of my life. But, Crystal and I both agreed, that things really turned out "ok". Crystal ended up going to a great high school where she made the greatest friends and Isabela supplied our family with more life.

Shortly after that, one of my colleagues called me to check on me. I have mentioned before just how awesome my team is, but honestly, they just continue to amaze me. The love they feel for me is such a blessing. Becky called me just to tell me how things aren't the same without me in our shared office. Their lunches are shorter and quieter. Selfishly, I loved hearing that. It feels like so much redemption from a non-mommy standpoint. Like I can actually do something else that is just about ME! Anyhow, shortly after that, Isabela brings me a make-shift greeting card assembled by former students of mine, from 5 years ago! I have no idea how that surfaced...and today of all days! Well, in the card, there were drawings and notes of my former 2nd grade bilingual students expressing just how they felt about me. They mostly shared how I made them feel when they were in the classroom. Again , selfishly invigorated.

It then reminded me of this school-wide award that another colleague of mine presented to me about 4 weeks ago. Paige is a well-travelled person with a vast study in principles of education and she is just simply a wise perosn who is so in-touch with humanity. So, being presented with the honor , from her, is huge to me, but mostly because her desk is only 2 yards away from me so she gets me in my utter rawness, that is really so honest, and with that, wanted the entire faculty, of almost 100 people, to know it.

"I would like to honor Brenda Falcone with the golden globe. She is truly a master in reading and writing instruction - and I have learned a great deal from her. Brenda is not only brilliant in her craft, but she is also a fantastic "people person". She is an active listener, both to students and adults, and is very clear and articulate in her speech. Brenda knows how to connect with kids in a way that makes them feel safe and willing to take risks. She takes time to get to know the "stories" of each of her students, and goes out of her way to "be there" for them. Brenda makes her kids feel special - and it is no wonder that they (as well as parents and teachers) love her. " --Paige

With currently struggling with,again, a time in my life in which I have to sacrifice my career goals by staying at home with Isabela, I must admit that having my ego stroaked is very helpful in assuming my stay-at-home-mom role. But not for the reasons you may think. It is huge for me that when I leave this house and drop off Isabela at school, when I could easily still be at home with her full-time at her age, I make a serious contribution to society....and myself. It has to "count" when I am not at home. Returning to work, even if it is part-time for 7 months out of the year, has always held a certain degree of guilt for me. I am serious when I say that I have to make every day count, one that Isabela would be proud of. One that my students will appreciate and learn from. This is not just for fun for me.

But in the end, my colleagues, my students, my boss, can all make me feel worthy of my work outside of the home, but there is nothing like being acknowledged at home by Isabela when I had her spontaneously chase me around the kitchen tonight, just because, and she said to me in such a silly, pleased manner "Mami, you drive me up the wall!" Ahhh...if only a raise came with that!