Never to Sleep Alone

"Mami, te quiero!"

"Ven a mi cuarto conmigo!!"

"MAmi????"

"Por favor. Yo no quiero aprender a dormir sola."

"Mami. Te necesito!"

"Por favor!"

"Mama, mama, mama!"

"Mami. Ven!"

"uno, dos, tres, cuatro, Mami!" (I think trying to soothe herself to calm down)

(Repeat)

I write this as my little 4 yr old is breaking my heart into a million jagged pieces. I am on Day 2 of having her fall asleep without one of us physically next to her on her bed. It's not because we mind the 2o to 60 min. companionship that takes the place of any down time we could have, it's only because it's developmentally appropriate for her. At least, that's what I keep telling myself as I endure those painstaking cries. Now that we know her heart is better and we don't have a heart surgery looming, it's time.

There is nothing different about the coffee I drink tonight, but I am disappointed with the rare bitterness I am taking in.

I am sitting in my bedroom's big chair, with my door open. Sammy is at the park jogging. Crystal is having dinner with friends. Isabela's next-door bedroom door is wide open. I want her to know that I am not far from her. I have been in there 3 times in the past 45 min. to hug her, kiss her oh so tightly and remind her that she is not alone. I keep asking her to pray. As I walk out, I tell her that she really needs to learn this. She tells me that she does not want to. If only I could tell her my truth, "I don't want you to either."

Isabela, not once have you said that you are scared. I am glad you believed me when I told you weren't alone. Even when I am not in the room with you. Hold on to that always... Yo tambien te quiero mucho..