"My mother", "My sister", "Ana", "My best friend", but never "Brenda". That's what you will hear Crystal call me, ever.
19 years ago today, Crystal came into this world to only turn it upside up. But, for the 9 months of my mother's pregnancy, I didn't think that would be the case. In fact, I thought in my gut that she was only making a complicated life, even more complicated.
So, here's the story (finally, I know). It's quite the story, always knew I should write about it, but didn't realize it was necessary for certain audiences until a family member on Sam's side corrected me in front of one of his house guests, to say "Well, she's really not her daughter, but her sister that lives with her." "Seriously?" is how I responded. To make matters worse, I can't believe my best defense was to explain to him how she is legally mine and Sam's. I supplied knowledge of how we have legal papers, pay for and have been paying for her health ins., school and any and all living expenses for well over the years Sam and I have even been married. Once he heard my explanation, it all seemed ok and wondered why I never announced it to the family, because that would formally grant me the right. AGH!! Seriously??? I know, he's not the first and won't be the last, but I hope those who know me well, will never, ever go there with me. This is why...
My mother met my now stepfather when I was 3 years old. She says she married him for companionship and for the sake of providing a home for me. Well, he didn't turn out to be much of a companion and that home, turned out to be the last place I ever found comfort in, until Crystal got there, of course. I was a very troubled child, for reasons that were out of my control. It didn't help that both my parents had to work 2-3 jobs each just to make the $3.25 minimum wage, which left me with all the chores and 3 younger sisters to watch over when I was not in school. I admit, I was tough on the two middle sisters, I was mean. I guess I resented them for having it easier as their father (my stepfather) loved on them. Then Crystal arrived, I was 15 years old. My mother needed me to feed her the expressed breast milk, bathe her, put her to sleep (sometimes with me), wash her cloth diapers and ultimately, make myself available when my mother had to work as a school cook or a housekeeper in Sugar Land. You see where I am going with this? I was Crystal's other mother. But, boy, for many reasons, not even mentioned above, did she give me something sensational to embrace.
As I got older, my life seemed to get more complicated. Graduating from high school seemed like such an impossibility as I was trying to just survive my household, and it was quite the abusive one if you ask my stepfather, who has since apologized to me. But, if i ever think about what made me keep my eyes on the exit plan, it would have to be Crystal. I think it was the way she adored me. The way she would look at me and smile. She somehow made me feel like I meant something huge in this world. I knew at those moments that she needed me to give her something. That something had to be "hope" to make it in this world and out of our small, one bedroom house.
College was the answer.
I met Sammy when she was almost 4 years old, I was 18 yrs. old. Sammy and I started our lives together when she was almost 6 years old. Crystal would spend the night with us on the weekends. The weekends slowly became long 3-4 day weekends. Then we flopped the weekends for a 5 day week so that I could help her with homework. I was still trying to complete college and Sammy was working at the family business and his policeman's duties on weekends. But, It was all so natural to me to weave her into our lives. Without a single thought, without ANY formal discussion with Sammy, I asked my mother if I could have her legally. I did that mostly because acquiring health insurance and school enrollments would be seamless. My mother agreed, without any hesitations. No one ever talked about what would be a huge undertaking for me and Sammy. Everyone in our family knew. Before any paperwork was conceived or presented, we all knew. I had been there in all the ways mothers traditionally are. While I did not birth her, she had been "my" baby for the longest time. Hopefully, her "other mother" for the longest time, too.
Still am.
When I get asked the question on why she lives with me, I provide quite a simple, true one. I couldn't leave her "behind". I knew God would want me to share the bounty I had found for myself. I hope Crystal will always know that we wanted her to have great schools, a comfortable home and a safe environment that would offer opportunities to flourish her spirit and long-term aspirations. That's always been the bottom line. Some have asked why she doesn't call me "mom". Two reasons. There's no reason to ask everything from our mother. AND I never need her too. Just knowing that I am one of two, is enough for me.
Although, Crystal is the only one who gets to call me by my first name, Ana. EVER, if you ask her.
As always, Crystal, you are half the air I breathe. You are always loved as a daughter. You know Sammy would agree. For all the reasons I tell you every day. Thank you for being the Freedom I needed.
So, here's the story (finally, I know). It's quite the story, always knew I should write about it, but didn't realize it was necessary for certain audiences until a family member on Sam's side corrected me in front of one of his house guests, to say "Well, she's really not her daughter, but her sister that lives with her." "Seriously?" is how I responded. To make matters worse, I can't believe my best defense was to explain to him how she is legally mine and Sam's. I supplied knowledge of how we have legal papers, pay for and have been paying for her health ins., school and any and all living expenses for well over the years Sam and I have even been married. Once he heard my explanation, it all seemed ok and wondered why I never announced it to the family, because that would formally grant me the right. AGH!! Seriously??? I know, he's not the first and won't be the last, but I hope those who know me well, will never, ever go there with me. This is why...
My mother met my now stepfather when I was 3 years old. She says she married him for companionship and for the sake of providing a home for me. Well, he didn't turn out to be much of a companion and that home, turned out to be the last place I ever found comfort in, until Crystal got there, of course. I was a very troubled child, for reasons that were out of my control. It didn't help that both my parents had to work 2-3 jobs each just to make the $3.25 minimum wage, which left me with all the chores and 3 younger sisters to watch over when I was not in school. I admit, I was tough on the two middle sisters, I was mean. I guess I resented them for having it easier as their father (my stepfather) loved on them. Then Crystal arrived, I was 15 years old. My mother needed me to feed her the expressed breast milk, bathe her, put her to sleep (sometimes with me), wash her cloth diapers and ultimately, make myself available when my mother had to work as a school cook or a housekeeper in Sugar Land. You see where I am going with this? I was Crystal's other mother. But, boy, for many reasons, not even mentioned above, did she give me something sensational to embrace.
As I got older, my life seemed to get more complicated. Graduating from high school seemed like such an impossibility as I was trying to just survive my household, and it was quite the abusive one if you ask my stepfather, who has since apologized to me. But, if i ever think about what made me keep my eyes on the exit plan, it would have to be Crystal. I think it was the way she adored me. The way she would look at me and smile. She somehow made me feel like I meant something huge in this world. I knew at those moments that she needed me to give her something. That something had to be "hope" to make it in this world and out of our small, one bedroom house.
College was the answer.
I met Sammy when she was almost 4 years old, I was 18 yrs. old. Sammy and I started our lives together when she was almost 6 years old. Crystal would spend the night with us on the weekends. The weekends slowly became long 3-4 day weekends. Then we flopped the weekends for a 5 day week so that I could help her with homework. I was still trying to complete college and Sammy was working at the family business and his policeman's duties on weekends. But, It was all so natural to me to weave her into our lives. Without a single thought, without ANY formal discussion with Sammy, I asked my mother if I could have her legally. I did that mostly because acquiring health insurance and school enrollments would be seamless. My mother agreed, without any hesitations. No one ever talked about what would be a huge undertaking for me and Sammy. Everyone in our family knew. Before any paperwork was conceived or presented, we all knew. I had been there in all the ways mothers traditionally are. While I did not birth her, she had been "my" baby for the longest time. Hopefully, her "other mother" for the longest time, too.
Still am.
When I get asked the question on why she lives with me, I provide quite a simple, true one. I couldn't leave her "behind". I knew God would want me to share the bounty I had found for myself. I hope Crystal will always know that we wanted her to have great schools, a comfortable home and a safe environment that would offer opportunities to flourish her spirit and long-term aspirations. That's always been the bottom line. Some have asked why she doesn't call me "mom". Two reasons. There's no reason to ask everything from our mother. AND I never need her too. Just knowing that I am one of two, is enough for me.
Although, Crystal is the only one who gets to call me by my first name, Ana. EVER, if you ask her.
As always, Crystal, you are half the air I breathe. You are always loved as a daughter. You know Sammy would agree. For all the reasons I tell you every day. Thank you for being the Freedom I needed.
Feliz Cumpleanos!
Ana
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