The Unveiling

As the sonographer was telling me the sex of my 16 week old fetus, I was surprised and scared to find out I was having a girl. I was surprised because I was pretty sure that I was carrying a little boy ( a long-time yearning), Mateo Tomas Falcone. I was scared because, well, having already raised Crystal for most of her life, I knew it was hard, hard to protect a little girl and hard to raise a well-adjusted little girl. I just didn't know if I could do it again, do it right. Nonetheless, my sweet little baby meant the world to me and that fear was replaced with another fear an hour thereafter. Upon the completion of that exam, the Dr. met with us in regard to that sonogram and only to tell us of the ominous future of Isabela's life in utero...she had a failing heart, no spleen, her abdominal organs were backwards and I had an abnormal umbilical cord.

So, this week, I was taken back to that moment. Since Isabela's two open heart surgeries, her emergent pyloric atresia (tummy) surgery, her dialysis, and her feeding tube placement, there are marks all over her chest and stomach. She has a beautiful scar running down the middle of her chest, one crinkled, belly-button-looking scar and other little star-looking scars. For the past three years, I have kept them covered from the world, maybe covered from Isabela a bit. Anytime anyone has given her a bikini suit for her b-day or Christmas, I have silently donated them to someone else. Urgh...this has been hard. To see those scars head-on...to see others see them head-on. I have been afraid to see their discomfort in their eyes. But, what scares me the most now is having Isabela not see them. With Crystal's help, at The Gap, we found the most perfect, classic-looking bikini. We got the one that allowed for the most exposure and out went the beautiful, valiant marks. It was difficult, but, gosh it feels good! I invite the world to embrace her marks as Isabela will...because she will.

Whenever I see her marks every day and run my fingers over them, I feel an extraordinary amount of pain. Against my will, I get forced onto the nostalgic path. But, without fail, I am always reminded of how Isabela proved almost every doctor wrong and triumphed. She beat the odds, she made history...she gave us all inspiration. I am reminded of how God chose me to be her Mami....I am reminded of how special that makes me feel.

BTW, Isabela LOVES her new suit!