There is something really magical about my connection with my friend Christina. At first sight, watching her care for Isabela when she was only days old, very sick and very needy, Christina seemed very in tune with Isabela's needs and so diligently, anticipated any and all needs that followed. Like I did with Valerie, I fell in love with Christina and immediately requested her to be Isabela's other primary nurse. I was very quick to recognize quality work and recruit the best nurses for my baby. Talk about a super clean freak!! And so smart! And funny! Lovely with beautifully styled curly hair! And, oh, what a shopaholic! But, my favorite thing about her, is that she's so perceptive. She has a way of knowing, seeing, feeling and hearing all that is around her. But, what I have noticed even more so since she has put hundreds of miles between us by living in Dallas and now Portland, she has an incredible way of being in accordance with my feelings, especially the painful ones. When ever I have subconsciously wished that I could talk with her, to be straightened out or even laughed at, Christina seems to magically know and call me or email me. As she always is so blunt with me, she tells me not what I want to hear, but what I so desperately need to hear. Such a wise woman. Hmmm...actually, I need to change my favorite thing about her. I think what I especially love is the way she loves her little Izabella (her pronunciation!). I can't wait for Isabela to truly understand one day just how carefully Christina took care of her for those long months and how that same woman, saved me then, and now, from falling apart. Oh what I have learned about myself through her. So, when God gave me Isabela's little difficult life with her illnesses, he so smartly gave me all the wonderful women in my life now. He knew that I couldn't do it without them...I know that, too. My friends are so amazing!
So, with Christina's permission, I am posting an email conversation between the two of us after she read my last blog featuring the poem about moms. I want the girls to read this one day.
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Brenda, As always I hope all is well with you and everyone you love so dearly. I have been reading your blogs from time to time and seeing how incredibly busy you are this summer, trying to give you the summer to enjoy your girls. But, I just wanted to let you know as always you are in my thoughts and prayers. The recent pic of Isabela back in the ICU, when she was so incredibly scrawny makes me realize how far she has come. I do not think of her as that little girl any more, but of this strong (physically and willfully), inquisitive, sensitive and smart little girl. You and Sam have done such a fabulous job. I sometimes wonder what God is doing, but he was so wise when he picked the two of you. I can feel your heart breaking from here and this time it is not Isabela. I can not imagine how hard it is to let someone you love so much to use their wings and fly. She will come back. You have taught her well. She is mature, yet childlike, compassionate, yet strong, adventurous, yet moral, and intelligent , yet smart. She has all the tolls to succeed and enjoy the life she has ahead of her. Your relationship should change, but only for the better. I know that as I grew older I only learned to love and respect my Grandmother more and more. I also found myself gravitated towards her home more often as well. I hope you are remembering to enjoy all the little moments. They go so quickly and you tend to worry so. You are so lucky, two fabulous girls, a great husband , who adores you, and friends who think you are amazing. Christina
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Hey!!
You always know when I need you!
This morning, even as I was pressed for time, I went to expedia.com, for fun, and researched flights. Only one particular location...Portland. I really want to go and see you...I know if I tell Sammy, he will flip, mainly b/c he won't understand that I want to travel on my own. I am going through something.
I AM having a hard time letting go of Crystal. I am back again to having a hard time letting go of Isabela (surgery). It seems like every time Isabela has a b-day coming up, I get sad. Trust me, I listen to your voice every time, "enjoy the moments with Isabela, especially the happy ones." I know I have everything a woman would want, but to think that Crystal won't be around and that God could take Isabela back with him, frightens me so much! Crystal told me jokingly yesterday that I have been hogging her from the world. Today, she told me that I may be doing that with Isabela too as Isabela cried when dropped off at day camp. Where do I draw the line??
Christina, I am sad. Not drepessed, not mad, not disapoointed, just sad. Albeit, I am so grateful, unfortunately, I am too much of a realist.
But, you're right, you were there every step of the way with Isabela. I will never forget how I know deep in my heart that you sent me away that afternoon to grab lunch before you allowed me to hold Isabela after months of not being able to b/c of her breathing tube. I think you sent me away for selfish reasons, you wanted to hold her too! I will never forget how touched I was when I walked in, ready to be granted your permission because I ate lunch, but watching Isabela's head rest on your left shoulder, with so much love. I was so touched by that and knew that I was not the only one who loved her. I have always wanted that for her, to be loved by everyone and anyone. I will try my best to crawl out of this sadness and marvel in this miracle of 4 years!!
I don't know how you read me all the way in Oregon, but you always seem to....you always have. Thank you for accepting my request as Isabela's primary nurse almost 4 yrs. ago, I never, ever have regretted that, obviously, even though you first rejected me, I am sure you are Ok with having changed your mind!!! ;-))))
You always know when I need you!
This morning, even as I was pressed for time, I went to expedia.com, for fun, and researched flights. Only one particular location...Portland. I really want to go and see you...I know if I tell Sammy, he will flip, mainly b/c he won't understand that I want to travel on my own. I am going through something.
I AM having a hard time letting go of Crystal. I am back again to having a hard time letting go of Isabela (surgery). It seems like every time Isabela has a b-day coming up, I get sad. Trust me, I listen to your voice every time, "enjoy the moments with Isabela, especially the happy ones." I know I have everything a woman would want, but to think that Crystal won't be around and that God could take Isabela back with him, frightens me so much! Crystal told me jokingly yesterday that I have been hogging her from the world. Today, she told me that I may be doing that with Isabela too as Isabela cried when dropped off at day camp. Where do I draw the line??
Christina, I am sad. Not drepessed, not mad, not disapoointed, just sad. Albeit, I am so grateful, unfortunately, I am too much of a realist.
But, you're right, you were there every step of the way with Isabela. I will never forget how I know deep in my heart that you sent me away that afternoon to grab lunch before you allowed me to hold Isabela after months of not being able to b/c of her breathing tube. I think you sent me away for selfish reasons, you wanted to hold her too! I will never forget how touched I was when I walked in, ready to be granted your permission because I ate lunch, but watching Isabela's head rest on your left shoulder, with so much love. I was so touched by that and knew that I was not the only one who loved her. I have always wanted that for her, to be loved by everyone and anyone. I will try my best to crawl out of this sadness and marvel in this miracle of 4 years!!
I don't know how you read me all the way in Oregon, but you always seem to....you always have. Thank you for accepting my request as Isabela's primary nurse almost 4 yrs. ago, I never, ever have regretted that, obviously, even though you first rejected me, I am sure you are Ok with having changed your mind!!! ;-))))
Brenda
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