Craving Bitter- Sweet Moments

My favorite kind of chocolate is dark chocolate. The darker the better, but not too bitter. I think I savor in that particular moment in which you know it will have a bite to it, but then pleasantly, you get surprised with such overwhelming sweetness. Dark chocolate is like a lot of my life. There has been so much pain, but I can't tell you that one of those moments has not brought sweetness to some degree. Every piece of pain I have felt is now replaced with a sweet blessing. Having grown up with a bitter, abusive step-father has made me a better parent. Having grown-up with so little as a limited English speaking student has made me a better teacher. Having grown up with no sibling relationships, has made me a better friend. The list goes on and on and I am not sure I can be that open on a blog....(not yet, at least).

The biggest pain of all, of anything I can ever imagine, is being told that my baby would never survive in this life and then having to watch her fight for life from a warmer for 6months, and all the time wondering if I made the wrong choice for her as she struggles. At the same time, Crystal was home alone managing her freshmen high school year with no familiar faces. But,before that, I thought the worst day of my life was April 6, 2004. I cried the loudest cry as I sat in a fetal position on our sofa trying to process the news that my little in-vitro made fetus was so sick. On that very same day, Crystal was denied entrance to a special high school she had applied to and really wanted to go to. The three of us, Sammy, Crystal and I, profusely cried while our reasons for the cry went back and forth.

From time to time, I allow myself to revisit that day and then others spent at TCH. I try to reconnect with the pain. Surprisingly, I never want to forget it. If I did, how else would I enjoy that special piece of dark chocolate that we call life. When the good times happen, it's oh so sweet to mix it in with pain that might have given it life.

On our beach vacation, I grabbed my little girl, danced with her in my arms, hung on to the sound of every crashing wave and had a good cry. This time, the cry was a quiet one with my smile catching the tears. Oh, what a delicious moment.

Four years ago, I never imagined that I would have had that moment. I love to be so taken care of by God.