Perfection to my Standards

It's almost 7 am on Thursday morning and I am listening to the sweet sound Of Isabela's rhythmic breathing. I will have to write this quickly because I will need to work-out before she wakes up! You may wonder why she's in bed with me...like she is almost every day? Well, she actually did sleep on her bed most of the night, but at 4 am, like most nights, she walks into our unlocked room to cradle herself against my body. This is typical behavior. She either falls asleep with us on our bed or we choose her bed in which I fall asleep with her for a couple of hours. Like some of my parenting techniques, I did not pick this up in a parenting book nor did I learn it from sought- after friend advice. It's what we do with her. There are selfish perks to it for me, but I also believe that there are some wonderful, nurturing, bonding advantages to it. I guess we were led on this course when she had to medically sleep with us for months after coming home from a 6 month stay at Texas Childrens Hospital. We had to make sure she wouldn't stop breathing in the middle of the night. Now, it helps Sam and I sleep better to listen to her, to feel her and look at her sleeping peacefully....until the next heart surgery.

I never really knew what kind of bedtime etiquette I would want for Isabela. On most things, I never really have concrete ideas on how to approach the molding of her character. I don't like reading Parenting books. There is no "one size fits all" for all children. Thankfully, I had a loving mother who now guides me. Often, all I do is revert back to her style and think about what worked and what didn't work. She was not perfect, and I am not a perfect human being. But, what she did instill in me, as I want instilled in the girls, is a sense of security, love, freedom, independence, kindness, respect and even an ounce of enough selfishness so that I don't lose my inner being.

I often tell friends that I don't strive to be the perfect Mom to universal starndards and I will not approach Isabela 100% of the time in a careful, though-out manner. I allow myself about a 10 % risk allowance in which she gets to sleep with us (even crystal does at times and she's fine!), she gets to occasionally sit on my lap to eat (even in a restaurant) and she can stay up until midnight on a Saturday night. It may very well be because I try to savor in every possible minute with her because I don't know how long God will let me have her for. The docs think she will live a long time, but we don't know that for sure. Quite honestly, if Isabela was not a chronically ill child, I truly believe I would still be the non-conformist mom. Not trying to be "perfect" is such a beautiful release.

To my beautiful friends who do a wonderful job in parenting in your own unique style, Thank You, also, for allowing me to witness you as magnificent parents and also for serving as my Guides!