The Involved Mom

As an educator, I always have certain expectations of how and how much mothers and fathers should be involved with their child when it comes to their education. Clearly, the child who has the more involved parents will likely be a higher achiever. As a parent, I have to ask myself "what does involvement mean?" and "to what capacity."

On Crystal's prom day, in between the daily household chores, wheeling and dealing w/ a car salesman, I was involved with crystal's girly preparations. At the end of the night, I drove over to the high school to volunteer my time at Project Prom (the after party for prom-goers). My first hour there, I was trying to make connections with the other moms waiting for the kids at the registration table. It was a bit hard as I am only 32 years old and the other moms are well into their 40's or 50's and clearly ready for their children to move on and head to college. So, I sat there and listened to them. The common conversation was about the amount of hours they had spent in preparing for this big party. One mom had been there since 6am, another right from lunch and another was going to stay there until 6 am. I sat there, digging myself into my lawn chair and didn't dare mention that my commitment was only from 10 pm - 3am. Once they each tried to out-do the other one about how long they were there, then the conversation moved on to what exactly they contributed to the decor of the amazing jungled-themed presentation. Each one was politely, in such a diplomatic way, trying to out-rank the next one! Unbelievable to me. I was literally sitting there and began evaluating what I had not done enough of with my PTO involvement. In hind-sight, I can't believe I allowed them to do that to myself. But, there I sat kind of quiet, thinking I probably should have done more like them.

So, around midnight, the seniors and their dates started arriving. There were spurts of them and sometimes they arrived in masses. Being the big people-watcher that I am, I paid close attention to kids feet away from me and those several yards away. But, then the kids of those "PTO moms" finally made it. The seventeen and eighteen year old girls who have moms who spend so much time at school and with the other PTO moms were fast-approaching. What a sight...."Mom, I already told you that you need to do this", "Mom, I am not doing that, I don't care what you say", "Mom do this..that...and that.." etc. I listened to those girls outrightly disrespect their moms and heard the insanely, annoying whining about the most insignificant things. After those moms spent countless hours preparing their big after-party, these girls had little or no appreciation and little or no regard for their mothers. Again, I sat there, listened and watched. Again, I sat there and evaluated what I had done that day....household chores, wheeling and dealing with a car salesman, assisting Crystal at her hair appt., applying Crystal's make-up, hosting a group of 20 something boys and girls at the house along with their parents, assuring several of the girls that they looked beautiful, arranging the limo instructions, taking photographs of all the kids, talking to a mother who sought my advice on how to communicate with her daughter. So, I may not be up for the PTO award of the year, but when Crystal saw me from a distance at her high school, she quickly threw a smile my way, bolstered through the crowd to get to me and thanked me for being there and said her day would not have been as perfect if it weren't for me.

My reflective moment for me was like this...How involved should I be? I think once I feel like my interpersonal involvement with Isabela and Crystal is strong at home, I can safely move on to their schools. I have to be mindful that my involvement at the school is not about me, but about the girls. Furthermore, I am not one who needs to belong to a "group". While it works magnificently for some mothers, it's not for everyone and I hope we can all respect that without judgement. Do I march to the beat of my own drummer, maybe...

To those PTO moms out there, I really do appreciate every single thing you do for our children. There is amazing work out there. I will dutifully do my part...just as I safely can after my work at home is done.